It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
