hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
