I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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