I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
