Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
