Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
