So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
