i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
