put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
3pm strippers are depressing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My ass is underappreciated
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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