the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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