I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
