she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
