I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
