your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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