took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
