Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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