I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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