I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just pee around me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
