I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
