Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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