I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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