He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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