Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
