I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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