either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
