Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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