Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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