This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
