the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
