Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
