$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize