we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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