one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
