fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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