I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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