No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
