Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
