Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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