why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
