you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
