Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
