Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
