Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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