hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
