barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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