it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
