I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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