yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
