I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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