Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
