I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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