Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
