So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
