So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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