she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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