I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
