I puked a lego.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
