somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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