He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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