so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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