Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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