thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
