I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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