Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
