Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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