burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
